On Home, Belonging, and the Spaces In Between

First day of preschool; intense homesickness; a new fiction book rec

In a few hours, I’m sending my toddler off to his first day of pre-school and there’s a lump in my throat and a sizable knot in my nerves. That’s why this dispatch is a little late, and the little bit more wistful sounding. Preschool! Time flies! The days are long but the years are short! I might just cry! - a.

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I've recently found myself labeled a "homemaker" on government forms - a quaint Americana title that feels both absurd and crushing when applied to my immigrant self.

Four years ago, I was an ocean away, deeply entrenched in girlboss-ism, hustling my way on the streets of a fast-paced mega-city. Now I'm staring out at manicured suburban lawns, cast in a peculiar performance of domesticity I never auditioned for.

The story goes like this: cross oceans, assimilate, marry, procreate, accumulate square footage and mortgage - suddenly you're living the American Dream.

But what happens when that dream feels more like… a hamster wheel?

Recent health issues have plunged me into a black hole of homesickness - a longing for family, comfort, friends, built-in childcare. My creative energies, in response, have fixated on the concept of 'home', desperately trying to pinpoint what I'm missing and how to recreate it here.

There's a vertigo in trying to build a home in a foreign culture, a persistent double vision. You're simultaneously insider and outsider, fluent in mimicking the American accent, yet always slightly off-beat in the rhythm of cultural cues.

This week, dive with me into the swirl of 'home' - not just as a physical space, but as a complex nexus of identity, culture, and consumerism.

If you’re new here, every other week, we explore a specific theme through our usual segments:

1. Mental Moodboard: A curated collection of links, books, podcasts, things around this week's theme. I think you’ll find something to tickle your mind or creativity in one of them.

2. Shelf Life: An examination of a recent purchase that inadvertently reveals my anxieties and aspirations and who I'm trying to be.

3. Soft Landings: Half-formed thoughts on the topic, in this week's case - intersection of home, identity, and the never-ending performance of belonging.

Join me as we unpack the boxes of meaning we've piled into this four-letter word, 'home'.